Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
