I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I have tasted many bathrooms
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
