so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
