The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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