I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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