Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
