She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Found the puke drawer
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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