im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
