Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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