20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
