R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
