just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
