My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
