Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
