Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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