What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
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