Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
you never un-have a 4some
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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