So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
