You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
