Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
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Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
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At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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