got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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