you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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