i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We need to get me chipped asap
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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