He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
