It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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