i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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