there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
