doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Randomize
