Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
