I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she peed on how many people?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
