is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He passed out mid-signature
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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