I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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