i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
