We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
