plz talk dirty to me
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
