He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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