yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
