I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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