you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
When are your genitals available?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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