Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
