I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize