we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
