I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
