And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
