i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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