Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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