I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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