If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
