I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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