This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
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I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
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Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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