Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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