We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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