i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
