I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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