Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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