so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
