Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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