it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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