I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
