Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
