Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
