we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Gay?
German.
Pity.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
