i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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