we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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