So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
