grandma shit on top of the toilet
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
