you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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