It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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