I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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