textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
