Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
