Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
